


Siderus

by Jaeminct



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Atsumu is obsessed with the stars, Death from Old Age, Hurt No Comfort, Left behind lover, Lost Love, M/M, Old Age, Old Married Couple, SakuAtsu Angst Week 2021, Sakusa reminisces about his life and love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 18:40:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaeminct/pseuds/Jaeminct
Summary: "Omi," Atsumu started cautiously, "let's get married at night, under the stars. I know it'll be cold and all so I understand if ya say no but I just thought it would be nice..." He trailed off dejectedly in a way that made Sakusa feel guilty."If you want to, then we can. I don't mind where or how or when we do it, I just want to marry you. As cheesy as it sounds, I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 23
Collections: Jaeminct- Sakuatsu Angst Week 2021





	Siderus

**Author's Note:**

> Sakuatsu Angst week: Day 4  
> Prompt: Constellations

It’s a bad day today, possibly one of the worst Kiyoomi’s ever had, possibly because he faces it alone. It’s one of those days where he barely finds the motivation to blink; where it hurts to breathe; where all he does is lay in bed and look back on the things he’s lost along the way.

  
He wants to just sleep and wait for the storm to pass, but instead he remains awake, tired eyes staring at the white ceiling. _How long has he lay like this?_ All of his thoughts remain focused on a particular male. A male that he will most likely never see again. 

“Atsumu,” he whispers into the stale air of his bedroom. His voice cracks with age and lack of use. His stiff fingers fiddle with the wedding ring that has sunken into his fingers with time. 

As usual Atsumu does not answer. _How long has it been like this? Years? Months?_ Kiyoomi doesn’t know. For him, time stopped the moment Atsumu left him. 

With great effort, he shuffles out of bed, the curls that were once black sticking up in all directions. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and wonders when he let his personal hygiene go haywire. He doesn’t need to think long for his answer. He reaches for his cane and uses it to support him on his journey. 

His knees creek with every step. 

Yet another reminder of the time he’s spent, the time he’s still spending alone. 

Kiyoomi grabs a blanket on his way out, actually he grabs two, he has to take care of himself now. There would be no Atsumu nursing him back to health if he got sick.

He spreads out a blanket across the grass of his garden and practically tumbles onto it. There was no gracious lowering onto the floor, he’s far too old for that; the muscles that were once firm from hours of training are weak. 

Breathing in the fresh air and staring up at the inky sky, Kiyoomi feels better. For a moment it even feels as though his head is resting on Atsumu’s stomach. That was the position they would always stargaze in. He knows it’s not the position he’s in now.

That would be impossible.

His head rests on the blanket, the stomach that used to support it is now under ground, buried under layers of dirt and grass. At the thought, Kiyoomi’s forehead creases with both age and sorrow. 

He stares at the starry sky, trying to remember at least one of the constellations Atsumu taught him.

_“Look Omi, that star, that star, and that star are all part of the same constellation?”_ _  
_ _“I didn’t know that Miya, and I think you know it.” Sakusa deadpanned._ _  
_ _“So mean Omi.” Sakusa could practically hear the pout in his voice._ _  
_ _“Oh boo-hoo.”_ _  
_ _“Keep being so mean ta me and I’ll tell Samu.”_ _  
_ _“I’m shaking in my little boots.”  
  
_

_They both fell into harmonious laughter and Sakusa enjoyed the feeling of his head bobbing up and down.  
  
_

_“There’s alotta stars today Omi,” Atsumu said in a thoughtful voice, “did’ya know, Omi, there are about five Latin words that all mean starry?”_ _  
_ _“Really? What are they?”_ _  
_ _“There’s_ ‘Astrifer’ _but that can also mean numbered with stars. And then there’s '_ Sidereus' _that can also mean belonging to the stars. Nice and poetic that is. There’s also '_ Stellatus' _that just means starry. Then the last one’s '_ Stellifer' _that one can also mean star-bearing.”_ _  
_ _“Which one’s your favourite?” Kiyoomi was shocked by the passion Atsumu held for the stars.  
_

_"My favourite is Siderus, I don't know why. I guess it sounds nice 'n' poetic 'n' everything, but I really like it because the idea of belonging to the stars makes me feel almost as tingly inside as the idea of me belonging to you and you belonging to me." He fiddled with his engagement ring and Sakusa fiddled with his own. "I can't waitta marry ya Omi."  
"I can't wait to marry you either."   
_

_"Omi," Atsumu started cautiously, "let's get married at night, under the stars. I know it'll be cold and all so I understand if ya say no but I just thought it would be nice..." He trailed off dejectedly in a way that made Sakusa feel guilty.  
"If you want to, then we can. I don't mind where or how or when we do it, I just want to marry you. As cheesy as it sounds, I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

Deep down Kiyoomi hadn’t cared about the stars or Latin, he just wanted to keep listening to Atsumu’s soothing voice. 

He wonders now if it was the stargazing that had calmed him or who he stargazed with. It was as though when Atsumu had left he’d taken a chunk of Kiyoomi with him. 

But Kiyoomi didn’t blame Atsumu; they could have lived together for an eternity and one of them still would have had to go first. In a way, Kiyoomi is happy it is him, who got left behind because he doesn’t want a life like this for anyone, especially not the man he loves so dearly. 

It was fate or as Atsumu would call it _Apotelesma._ _  
_ _  
_ _“D’ya wanna know my most favourite Latin word?” Atsumu didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s_ Apotelesma it means ‘the influence that the stars have over human destiny. So practically fate.”

It almost seemed like fate for Kiyoomi to finally die, after 87 years of life (seven of those spent alone) while watching the stars that Atsumu had adored so much.

**Author's Note:**

> I usually don't have the heart to kill off characters but this time it just seemed kinder.  
> Let me know what you thought or any feedback you might have. Did you think there was something I could have done better? Kudos and comments are much appreciated.


End file.
